July 7th---A day to celebrate life!

July 7^th, 2006. It was exactly five years ago today, and less than two weeks into my first visit to South Africa. It was a day I have marked in my calendar and in my mind—a day in which I celebrate the power of hope and the miracle of life, and one in which the generosity of the Northern Westchester community forever changed the fate of a South African child.

July 7, 2006 was a day of new beginnings. It was the birth of the Gift of Hope program, and the day that Charmaine Goba was born via cesarean section—paid for with the generous donations of my friends and neighbors at home. I was there to witness that birth; standing under the bright lights of the operating room, dressed in green surgical scrubs, and holding the hand of a nervous mother. Nonhlahla Goba was HIV positive and with a staggeringly high viral load, fearful that she would transmit the virus to her newborn baby. Like many other Zulu women, she dealt with her fears and her delivery without the presence or support of a husband or partner. Instead, she had to rely on the comfort of a total stranger in what was a deeply personal and very likely frightening moment in her life. Although it was a unique privilege for me to serve as her birth partner, I have always felt a certain amount of sadness that Nonhlahla’s situation created the need for my participation on this very important day in her life. But it did, and I am grateful for what it has meant to all of us.

July 7, 2006 was also the day I first met a remarkable woman named Betty Goba-- Nonhlahla’s mother-- who had the wisdom to bring her to McCord hospital when she went into full term labor. Our lives intersected in a random way on that morning, yet left a profound impact on both of us. 5 years later Betty recalls it all with total clarity.

“The way Nonhlahla was sick I knew that McCord was the best hospital around. I knew I didn’t have money and I just asked god that the hospital would help in anyway needed. We came to McCord and Nonhlahla was in labor and we didn’t have the money for all the procedures to deliver the baby safely. We met you and you helped pay for all the hospital costs. Fortunately, I met you in the right place and at the right time, and because it all happened by chance I believed that god was there to answer my prayers.”

Betty goes on to tell me how happy she was that I served as Nonhlahla’s birth partner, an experience which proved to be the foundation of a very special bond between myself, Charmaine and her family. “ I was so happy that you were a birth partner. That is why I say that Charmaine is your granddaughter, because you did everything that a grandmother could do for the grandchild. You were the first person to see Charmaine coming from her mother’s womb and then you came to show me the child.”

I recall with equal clarity not only the day Charmaine was born, but an early morning in mid-August, some 6 weeks later, when all of our collective prayers were answered. I was fast asleep at my home in Vermont, enjoying some time with my family after my return from South Africa, when the phone startled me awake around 5am. The accent on the other end of the phone took a moment to recognize, but soon I knew I was hearing the voice of Sandy Reid, one of the PMTCT nurses at McCord. She could hardly wait to phone me with the news we had all hoped and prayed for…Charmaine Goba was HIV negative! I screamed with joy and woke up my entire family in the process, and we all celebrated the fantastic news. I will never forget that.

Betty recalls her own reaction at learning the news. “ I was extremely happy about those results because I expected the child was going to be positive since her mother was positive, and I wondered how it could happen that she was negative. I was so happy for those results and I thank god for that.”

Today, July 7, 2011, Betty continued to thank god, as we both celebrated the 5^th birthday of Charmaine! We opened presents, sang songs, took photos, and I shared memories and stories with Betty, who is now Charmaine’s primary caregiver. Tragically, Nonhlahla never sought the treatment she needed for her HIV, and died shortly after Charmaine’s first birthday. Unimaginable as it is, Nonhlahla is only one of the 4 children than Betty has buried due to HIV and AIDS related illnesses. Of her 5 children, only her 18 year old daughter, Happiness, is still alive and she too recently learned that she was HIV positive. Having learned from the painful outcome of Nonhlahla’s mistakes, Happiness is being treated with ARVs and getting the medical care she needs to stay healthy.

It has not been easy for Happiness. With the painful loss of her 4 siblings, she has been forced to drop out of high school and stay at home, unable to afford her ongoing school fees, and needing to help out at home. But Happiness hopes to return one day in order to complete her studies and pursue a career in the hospitality industry. She dreams of opening her own restaurant or doing something involving cooking, which she loves! Until that time she cooks and bakes at home for her family, and is focused on staying healthy and finding the financial means to return to school one day. She explains to me why that is so important to her.

" I have to go back to school for my sisters and for my future. If my mom passed away there would be no one to look after me. I would have to take care of myself and my granny's children."

Happiness also knows how important it is to stay on her ARVS, not only for her own future, but for her mother as well. Betty depends on her, as she is helping Betty raise the 10 grandchildren that have been left behind as AIDS orphans. (Betty has made sure to test them all for HIV and only one 5 year old boy is positive; he is now being sponsored for care at Sinikithemba through the Gift of Hope.)The 12 of them live together in a 5 room house, and just barely manage on a monthly child support grant of 1000 rand (or $148 USD), and a modest pension which Betty will begin to collect in March when she turns 60 years of age. Yet far more striking than what Betty lacks, is the power of what she possesses---an amazing inner strength to keep going in the face of so much loss, and a passion and commitment to raise these children with care and love and a sense of joy. One need only spend an hour with Charmaine to see how this joy has been imparted to her.

Charmaine simply OOZES with happiness! There is joy in every expression and gesture of this child; from the warmth of the hug she greets me with, to the sparkle in her big brown eyes and the broad smile which illuminates her lovely face; to the way she sings and dances spontaneously, without so much as the sound of music to get her moving! With all the loss and sadness that Betty has known, Charmaine and the other children she is raising bring her some measure of comfort and joy. I can hear it in Betty’s voice when I ask her to tell me a little about what kind of child Charmaine is.

“AAAACCHHHHHH Charmaine”, she says, “she is ALWAYS happy…always! She is always smiling, laughing—she is a happy , happy girl! She is always happy at home and even at school. She is bright at school,, and very neat. She just acts like a big girl. She really likes herself!”

I smile as I hear the pride and joy in the words of a granny. I can not think of anyone who deserves this bright light shining into a world which has brought so much darkness and despair.

Today is July 7^th…a day that I will always pause to celebrate hope, and life, and the power we all have to make a difference in the global fight against HIV/AIDS. That hope is embodied in the life of a special 5 year old girl, named Charmaine Goba. May she live a long, healthy, happy life filled with many more birthday celebrations, and may she continue to bring light and joy into the life of her wonderful, dedicated gogo!

Happy 5th Birthday Charmaine!!